Return of the Writer

“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”

~Benjamin Franklin

It’s been so long since I’ve posted I honestly thought about giving it up, leaving the blog behind to find some other writing focus. But I missed it this past year. I love the writing and the pictures and the quotes and the whole creative process. It soothes my soul. And I told myself when I started that I wasn’t going to give up. I can take a break, (albeit one REALLY long break), but I can’t quit. 

I just haven’t had a great work-life balance these past 9 months. 

It has been a year, dear readers. A year of adjustments and change and perseverance. I hope you are still out there. Not only did I abandon my own writing, but your blogs as well. Any reading I did this last year related to my teaching. I apologize sincerely. To you and myself. 

For those of you still maybe listening, wondering if I would come back and post again, and for those of you who have recently started following, (thank you so much—I have no idea where my new followers found me since I’ve been silent for so long, but I am grateful!), I took a full time teaching job which started last September. I posted about my decision last June in Will finds a way. I knew it would be challenging to keep up on my writing, but WOW.

I had NO IDEA how much TIME and ENERGY teaching would require from me. 

I kept my head above water through the Christmas break, and then I sank. This was evident when I went through my pictures on my camera roll as I had a decent amount of pics September-December, and then pretty much nothing until April.

Last winter I posted about my struggles with depression in When the enemy I fight is myself, and it returned hard this season during one of the longest, snowiest winters in many years. It was the winter that held on forever. In addition, I burned out at my job. I put so much energy into my first half of the year—grading, planning, subbing, advising—that I was exhausted by the second half of the year. And I was adjusting to working full time, which I hadn’t done for 16 years.

It was during this time I also decided to quit smoking.  I struggled with trying to quit cigarettes for 25 years of my life, and then I switched to vaping, thinking it would help me quit (so, so wrong about that). I spent another 5 years hooked on that, and I have so much to say about smoking, but that would be another post. 

So with the help of hypnotism, I quit on January 30th and am finally free from nicotine. The hypnotism helped my resolve tremendously, but I still had to go through withdrawals. As someone who has tried to quit smoking too many times to count, I knew what a lunatic I would be. I am emotional, angry, confused, and so bitchy when I quit smoking. It totally sucked as I knew it would, but I am glad I did it, and I have no desire to go back. So yay! (I also used the fantastic support of a website called Whyquit.com, which also has a FaceBook group. They are serious and free.)

So physically, quitting nicotine was a positive, but emotionally it contributed to some serious depression for me. And then because I didn’t have enough change in my life, I decided to start seeing a holistic doctor. For my gut health I’ve had to quit coffee (which I also love and have been drinking forever), dairy, and several other foods I enjoy. Cooking and eating were hard enough for me already, and then I had to figure out a new diet. The hits kept coming. 

In the end, I had too much on my plate. And this doesn’t even include the struggles with my children and significant other. Or my grandmother passing away. Life stuff, you know? “When it rains, it pours,” is pretty much how my year felt. 

Then May arrived and I could see the finish line. As most teachers, I stumbled across it half delirious and uncertain of my own name at that point. I am grateful I live where school gets out at the end of May. As I’ve mentioned before, Minnesotans take their summers seriously, and we need all the time we can get. Especially after winters like this past one. 

Yet of course, me being me, I’m already panicking about how little time there is to do everything that needs to be done. The house is a minor disaster requiring my attention, time with my kids, vacations, finally seeing my friends again, all the gazillion things I’ve put off throughout the school year…and, of course, reading and writing and ENJOYING time off! 

(Also I will be continuing to do some serious work on my mental health. I may feel better now, but I know there are still rough times ahead. My mental health to-do list includes finding a counselor, meditation, affirmations, journaling, herbs, exercise.)

But it’s here…summer. I can take a breath.

Oh, and that freelance writing job I was doing last summer? It also ended once school began. My whole life ended, or at least that’s what it felt like.

I did enjoy some moments of it though, mostly the students. I thought about not going back at one point. Yet I believe it needs a second chance. I figure I have to keep trying, at least another year. I’d like to think I helped make a difference for the kids. We definitely had a few laughs.

The paycheck was also nice to have. And while teachers may not make a lot of money, I do love having summers off. 

But I am ready to get back to blogging and reading your posts as well. So here’s to finding a better balance!

HAPPY SUMMER DREAMERS! ☀️😎✌️

I will leave you with a few thoughts that made me smile this year…